| dancing with the world on my shoulders, my heart on my sleeve and a penny in the bank. |
[Jul. 25th, 2006|11:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
all these feelings again.
the one that makes you cringe,smile and shudder at the same time.
the bruised knees and the will that makes the need to catch on so intense that i scare myself.
they're all the things i need to hear, "good morning, cutie-pie." and saying "that's me." for once.
look at all that you've been missing here. |
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| when everyone knows everything, i still have new things to tell you. |
[Jun. 22nd, 2006|12:56 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
i am a hopeless romantic, with a wild imagination.
in my imagination tonight couldn't have been any more perfect. the rain, the late work, my t-shirt, completely comfortable.
when i actually i looked like a bum, there was awkward conversation and it was humid. but i made it nice enough.
if only he wasn't so shy, i didn't have such an imagination, and we weren't cute nervous wrecks around each other.
summertime summertime, i was yours and you were mine. |
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| it was then or never, so i did something irrational and didn't even wait around for a reaction. |
[Jun. 20th, 2006|12:41 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  optimistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dani California - Red Hot Chilli Peppers | ] |
at 10:41 p.m. i have been single for exactly one year today.
but that really isn't the point. just a silly fact of life.
the point is, that little tunnel, on the way to brookwood? i make a wish everytime i go through it. hold my breath and everything.
some come true and some definitly don't. i have been out that way a lot lately and the wishes that never came true and being made up for with better things that with prior wishes, would have been deemed impossible.
God is giving and taking away like always but this is a rare occasion where He has given me something so cool, that i can't quite see what He's taken away... but something is missing. but if i don't miss it, i never needed it,
certain death and courage are my words of the day.
i always knew there were shy people and forward people in the world. as i have grown up i have moved from one extreme to the other.
and i never could see myself with anyone shy, quiet and not afraid to be the person everyone is looking at.
but then again, opposites attract and im going to have to agree with everyone around me, i could handle to be a little shy and reserved sometimes.
i didn't even give him time to react... haha. that's the way it's gotta be though. |
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| "would i be out of line if i said i miss you?" i doodle my imaginary tattoos of you on post it's. |
[May. 8th, 2006|10:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | John Legend "Ordinary People" | ] |
this is for everytime you thought she was better for you then me.
i will forget them and forgive you, if you'll take me back.
and i will sit tall and strong and won't shed a tear when you laugh at my weakness and your power over me, and only when you turn around to kiss her will i cry.
maybe we were wrong and it was our time. ending it might have been wrong.
but now that you have seen that i was the lucky one to have you and that you deserved more, i can't ask you back. i want the best for you.
or if it's only for these last two weeks, i could have one more chance.
im not ready to give up.
i either risk it all or lose it all without a fight.
i already gave up and those things... one more makes it ok. i guess. |
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| one of these nights we will lay it all out on the table for everyone to see, until then were alone. |
[Apr. 23rd, 2006|01:03 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
every green light i think i make, i barely miss. it's always red to stop me, when i can't see it.
i fly under the radar, getting farther and farther ahead and then all in an instant i am discovered and covered ground is lost.
i thought everything was settled. i thought God was finsished with this lessson, but instead i get a "to be continued..."
falling asleep with seats laid back and the sunroof open to see the stars, not caring about term papers, geometry, curfew or anything. it's short lived and hard to be found but worth it.
but the thing that is worth more than anything is that my friends are happy. and i love that.
-blacker- |
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| i never dreamed you'd be the one kissing me goodnight, so it's ok to lose you for good. |
[Apr. 9th, 2006|11:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Look At Us Now - Hill | ] |
i fell asleep the other night. i had an awesome dream.
i was talking to a guy and he told me i looked pretty.
so he wanted to hang out. when i went to get him, he drove my truck for me, and i trusted him with it.
we went to my house and we laid there cuddling and smiling and not really watching a movie at all.
he didn't ask anything of me and hugged me close and kissed me on the forehead.
we smiled and he tickled my sides and rubbed my tummy and we were happy.
he drove himself back home and kissed me goodnight.
and i thought it was real because it really was a good night.
then i woke up. but i smiled anyway.
the monotony starts again tomorrow with the same people, same schedule, same secrets.
"i'm still the same as i have always been, although you didn't think i'd turn out the way i did."
if dreams were reality, i still wouldn't tell because it's foolishess. |
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| girl don't get comfortable, summer's almost here and he will change. then you're anyone's fool. |
[Apr. 2nd, 2006|01:01 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | the hizzouse | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jamie Foxx and Ludacris | ] |
rockette practice this morning. talk about starting the day out with a workout. by the time we were done i was ready to end my day.
driving home tonight aubree and i stopped by sonic and thats was interesting.
then i tried my luck at walgreens. they aren't 24 hours. bleh.
but then i drove all the way home with the windows down and it smelled like summer.
like all those times we would sneak outside with nothing to do but sit in the road and look at each other and the fog.
but thats the most fun.
summertime always brings change... |
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| doctor's say your bad news, but thats just what i heard from the paper boy in louisiana. |
[Mar. 26th, 2006|01:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
tonight at work...
i watched babies fall asleep so easily though everything around them was chaos.
i saw old friends come in and leave again.
i saw two grown men eating and acting like they were 3 years old.
i got candy from a gay guy.
i got hit on by a redneck who was old enough to be my father.
i said, "hi. welcome to outback." at least a gazillion times.
i dreamt of being at home cuddling with so-and-so.
i danced through the dining room.
i hopefully made lots of money.
i freaked out for .5 seconds.
i froze my ever-widening rear end off.
i got asked about mole and spat out "AVAGADRO'S NUMBER!" like it was no big deal.
finally i flirted excessively with the waitor at the top of every females hitlist. ; )
it was a sucessful night.
but things still dont feel right.
that dream i had the other night completely threw me off.
God's telling me big things, i'm just trying not to listen when i should. |
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| he didn't call but that's fine, i have another on the other line. love me, miss me, kiss me. |
[Mar. 21st, 2006|06:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  complacent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | a movie | ] |
looking back through pictures and old beachweek notes i noticed how it was all foretold in the beginning.
"from the heights of what we often think we know."
you know, im becoming inspired by my own true story.
lets make a movie so every time i forget i can play it over again.
because im not one to learn my lesson the first time and you know that.
i look different though.
younger.
because im still too young.
i will always be too young. |
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| it's a bigger world then the same old people in the same old town. but change isnt all peachy. |
[Mar. 18th, 2006|09:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | AIM | ] |
traveling alone opens up plenty of opurtunities to talk to people.
and sitting alone leaves plenty of empty seats around for other people.
other college people. cute college people.
im not going to lie. this house is amazing. it reminds me very much so of a real world house.
im feeling an "amy and the girls trip" to texas next break, because we do have plenty of room for all my friends.
and there's a starbucks.
what a lovely starbucks... only if i had someone to meet there...
wait. i did. hahahaaaaaaaaa. just kidding ladies and gents.
leave it up to me to keep it all exciting.
but the house may be gorgeous and the city may have it all but it's not gardendale.
and trying to navigate around town here is like trying to lick your ear.
it's on the verge of retarded.
but im about to drool over and dream about me being with mr. jake gyllenhal as i indulge in some jarhead.
miss me much because i miss you. |
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| something signifigant you miss in the background while you were trying to find the words to say. |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|11:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  scared | ] |
| [ | music |
| | tv | ] |
if only one of us had the guts...
i would tell you goodnight one last time and instead of the usual two-word covered, fake, conversations of where and when instead of why.
you're a new kind of dangerous.
and honestly it scares me.
but then again me and reality not getting along is the story of my life.
crash on the couch because those regular same-old days are becoming too much. |
|
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| i tried to fall in love again and then realized you can't fall once your down. sea of fears. |
[Mar. 1st, 2006|10:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | kimmora lee simmons fashion week | ] |
"God writes a lot of comedy, the trouble is He's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to act funny."
"thank you God for this good life you give us and forgive us i we do not love it enough."
"the secret of life is to go through something harrowing that doesn't kill you... and to love one woman for the rest of your life."
"i believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it."
"life is continuous. life never stops. we come to the really great questions and before we can answer them, life has moved on to something else."
-Garrison Keillor- |
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